Gerald Quigley was a drug-dealing, dodgy geezer. He lived his life to violent extremes and speaks from experience and understanding, with dodgy deals and a beasball bat. The Quigley ghost is here for you....

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Jez,I need help!!!
My dog which is being cared for by my servant Mr JP of Henderson is acting strangely. It keeps gnawing on its own leg and crying about it! Is this normal? love and hugs gemma

What do you think I am, a vet? You wanna sort that dog out before you have to start calling it tripod! Maybe your dog is on drugs or somethin'. Come to think of it I sold a load of gear to some dirty mongrel a few weeks ago, and he still owes me money! I think I'll have to send me mates round to do 'im in!

Jez.

I've just moved to London from a small town in the country. I thought that it would be a real party zone, but the truth is it's scaring the crap out of me. I've not yet made any friends and I'm to shy to go out on my own.

You don't know the meaning of scary, Princess! You wanna make friends? Me mates will be round to pick you up in half an hour, and maybe me an' you can get to know each other a bit better, like!

Jez.

Do you fancy Steve McDonald?

Well......I have always had a taste for McDonalds!

Jez.

You are sooo cool. How do you manage to stay so sexy?

I don't manage, Princess. I just am!

Jez.

WILL YOU MARRY ME??? I LOVE YOU, I THINK YOU ARE GORGEOUS!

I'm not the marryin' kind, luv!

Jez.

Do you think that hailey will dump him for me?

What????!!!!!!!!!!

Jez.

why oh why are you so evil????

Evil? Me? Nah, mate you've got it wrong! I'm innocent. The only thing I'm guilty of is giving people what they deserve.......especially when they deserve a slap!

Jez.

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